Skip to main content

Too much

Hey there tired mama.

I see you.

But more importantly, I am you.

Sometimes you cry because you are so tired you can't sleep.

Sometimes you hurt in ways that you can't explain.

Sometimes you cry because you feel guilty about being so blessed and yet so frustrated.

Sometimes you cry because someone needs you all the time.

Sometimes you cry because your friend struggles with infertility and you have so many kids.

Sometimes you cry because friends have lost babies and you feel guilty about being mad at yours.

Sometimes you want to get in the car and drive away. Away from the mess, the noise, the chaos.

You want to drive to a quiet place and just sit and breathe... and just be quiet.

But you can't say it out loud.

You're not suppose to.

You are suppose to be happy, you are blessed.

You are suppose to smile, because you will miss these years when they are grown.

You are suppose to enjoy them while they are little.

But today, today you just want to quit.

Sometimes you just want to scream to the well meaning lady at the store, "Fine then you take them today. The 12 hours I am gone will go fast. I promise."

You can't be replaced. You are 'on' all the time. Even when your husband comes home, if you are lucky enough to have one, the kids still come to you. In the middle of the night, it's your name they call out. There is no true time off.

You would ask for help, but then someone starts vomiting or running a temp or there are sports to take them to or meals to prepare.

Even when they are in someone else care, you worry. Are they getting into trouble, are they making a mess, are they fighting, are they being annoying? You might be away but your mind is with them.

It is all too much sometimes.

It's ok.

I am ok.

You are ok.

I know, I really, truly do, that it will go by fast.

But today I don't want to hear that. I just want to grieve.

Grieve the me who use to be free.

Grieve the me who use to take showers regularly.

Grieve the me who felt lighter.

This part of life is really hard.

I will get up tomorrow and I will do it all over again.

I will look for the silver lining.

I will change my perspective.

I will ask for help.

I will be happy.

I will still get frustrated.

I will still get sad.

I will still want to leave.... sometimes.

But that doesn't make me a bad mom, it doesn't make you a bad mom.

It makes us human.

It makes us thankful for a God full of grace. A God who can handle our mess, our sadness, our loneliness. A God who tells us its ok to not be enough, because He is enough.

Rest in that today mama. Rest in the fact that you cannot be enough, but He can.

With love,
Me


When I feel all alone....the Lord is with me

Comments

  1. Me today as well. Not even sure why I'm crying. Maybe its because I'm so extremely tired. Maybe its because breastfeeding my 2 month old right now makes me feel like a cow hooked up to a machine where I have no control over my own body. Maybe its because my almost 2 year old has decided he no longer wants to use the toilet evrb though he's 80% potty trained. Maybe its because he's downstairs yelling and refusing to take a nap even though he's clearly exhausted. I don't know but right now I'm just going to lay here and cry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh sweet mama you are not alone! Sometimes the small things feels so big. Cry, it’s ok. Get up and try again. Sending prayers to you.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Changes

I was cleaning today, which gave me time to think, and thinking always leads me here. The house is 'weekend messy', so decided to clean my floors, because The Nester says if your floors are clean the rest of the house feels clean too, even if it isn’t.  I have found that it is pretty good advice, so when everything else feels chaotic, I clean the floors. Of course for me, cleaning the floors also means picking up the toys, shoes, clothes, etc. so that I can even begin to vacuum, which naturally leads to a cleaner home as well.  While cleaning up I began to think about how this blog has evolved over the years, from a desire to write like The Nester about home, into what it is now.  I started writing this blog when I was dreaming of building a new home. Then plans changed, life took turns, and we ended up in a home so different than I expected and so perfect for our family. Somewhere along the way I realized that home wasn’t in the walls that went up or in the co

A Year End Photo Review

I have been catching up on the blogs that I follow and I see so many end of the year round ups. I am not that organized, nor am I anywhere near having before and afters of the work on the Lucky house  all tied up in a pretty bow. What I do have though, are before and in-progress photos. I will let the pictures do most of the talking, but here is a little recap of where we started and where we are now! The journey to finding our home was a bit of a surprise and definitely a whirlwind of the best kind. In May of 2013, I got a message from a neighbor asking if we would be interested in buying their farmhouse. You can read all about it, here , here ,  here  and here ! So we bought a house, poured the foundation and moved the ninety year old house approximately two miles. We then jumped into renovations, additions and remodeling. We moved into Lucky in February 2014. Since then projects largely stalled, while I awaited the arrival of our third baby! It has been a crazy year and

Happiness

I am a New Years girl. I love goals and check lists and I love the feeling of a fresh start, but resolutions have never been my thing. A few year ago I began picking a word for the year and I found that it works really well for me.  Setting a word for the year has helped me to focus on a quality that I want to grow in myself. Last years word was ‘ intentional ’. It was a full year and in a lot of ways a really hard year. Being intentional with my words, thoughts and actions helped me to really lean into the relationships in my life. The past year felt somber though. It was good and I grew more than I could have imagined, but it also felt serious and deep. I need some relief. This year after praying over it and considering what I would like more of in the coming year, I knew that my word for 2019 had to be 'happiness'. I want more laughter, more spontaneity, more fun in 2019 and none of those things come naturally to me. I thought about words like joy and contentment b