Skip to main content

The Village of Motherhood

I listened to a Mom speak mean words to her child the other day. We were in a public setting and I heard her words clearly. Her frustration, her exhaustion, were on display. What she said doesn't really matter, it's the fact that she said it unguarded, without pretense, just ugly and real. Oh so real.

I was raised to keep your ugly to yourself. Pretend everything is fine until it is fine. I am not condoning what that mother said, but I am not judging her either. I have no idea how hard her day had been up till then. I don't know what she was or is struggling with. I don't know her, therefore I will not judge her.

I hope she realized later how harsh her words were. I hope she took the opportunity to show her child how important it is for adults to apologize as well as children. I hope that it was not her finest moment as a mom, but I refuse to judge her.

It's not my place.

My largest short coming as a mom is that I yell. I hate it. I am ashamed of it. It is something I work on over and over. Yet I fail over and over. I don't know why I struggle with it so much.

I have never screamed at my children in public. I have been short with them or firm, but never has anyone heard me let loose the roar that hurts my throat that I have done in private.

If I can keep my calm in public, there is no reason I cannot do the same in our home.

This is a shameful thing for me. I hope you don't judge me for it. I hope that by putting it out there, you see that I am imperfect, but that doesn't mean I am a bad mom.

It doesn't mean you are either.

If you have tried to fix your flaw repeatedly, if you have read all the books, listened to all the podcasts, talked to a therapist, and still your ugly keeps coming back, you are human.

You are trying and that is a good, beautiful thing. I don't want to hide my ugly and let another hurting mama see me and think I have it all together.

I write, not because I am perfect and full of wisdom, but because I am working to be better. There is so much better that I can be, that I can do, and I will continue to uplift myself to get there. I will not shame myself into thinking that because I messed up again, that trying is futile. It's not.

I was raised by wonderful, kind women in my life. My Mom, Aunts, Grandmothers, all of them were/are beautiful examples of how to be a good mother and even with all of that support, I still make a giant mess of motherhood.

How could I possibly judge any other woman, especially one who may never have had a decent role model. I had great role models and I still struggle immensely.

We are stronger when we encourage one another to be our best selves. We are stronger yet when we allow each other to bare our ugly and have the grace to say, 'me too'.

I will continue to see moments like the other day and say a prayer for that mom, not because I think I am better, but because I want to support her. I believe that the answer is in loving one another and walking alongside each other.

Todays failure does not define me and it does not define you. Standing back up and trying again is what defines you.

With love,
Me
faithful with the little: Seeing homemaking as a labor of love instead of drudgery- With FREE PRINTABLE!

P.S. 
You are Enough 
When Ugly bubbles over
Simple ideas for Home

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Changes

I was cleaning today, which gave me time to think, and thinking always leads me here. The house is 'weekend messy', so decided to clean my floors, because The Nester says if your floors are clean the rest of the house feels clean too, even if it isn’t.  I have found that it is pretty good advice, so when everything else feels chaotic, I clean the floors. Of course for me, cleaning the floors also means picking up the toys, shoes, clothes, etc. so that I can even begin to vacuum, which naturally leads to a cleaner home as well.  While cleaning up I began to think about how this blog has evolved over the years, from a desire to write like The Nester about home, into what it is now.  I started writing this blog when I was dreaming of building a new home. Then plans changed, life took turns, and we ended up in a home so different than I expected and so perfect for our family. Somewhere along the way I realized that home wasn’t in the walls that went up or in ...

The Farmer

I trust that, by now, you have all seen the commercial heard round the world. You know, the one that stopped all action and silenced a nation when the soft rumble of that voice drifted into living rooms on a Super Bowl Sunday. Yes that commercial . Paul Harvey's voice, unmistakable in its sincerity and beauty, spoke of a people whom work from sun up till sun down with no recognition. He spoke of a people whom care for their baby animals and pour their blood, sweat and tears into helping them grow. He spoke of a people, so foreign to many in the world today. He spoke of a people whom many have forgotten. He spoke of a people; my people. The farmer. I am a fourth generation farmer married to a fourth generation farmer. Together we are raising the fifth generation. We don't do it because its easy, it's not. The hours my husband spends working rival that of any doctor or lawyer I have ever met. We don't do it because it's profitable, some years it...

Happiness

I am a New Years girl. I love goals and check lists and I love the feeling of a fresh start, but resolutions have never been my thing. A few year ago I began picking a word for the year and I found that it works really well for me.  Setting a word for the year has helped me to focus on a quality that I want to grow in myself. Last years word was ‘ intentional ’. It was a full year and in a lot of ways a really hard year. Being intentional with my words, thoughts and actions helped me to really lean into the relationships in my life. The past year felt somber though. It was good and I grew more than I could have imagined, but it also felt serious and deep. I need some relief. This year after praying over it and considering what I would like more of in the coming year, I knew that my word for 2019 had to be 'happiness'. I want more laughter, more spontaneity, more fun in 2019 and none of those things come naturally to me. I thought about words like joy and contentment b...