Skip to main content

The Village of Motherhood

I listened to a Mom speak mean words to her child the other day. We were in a public setting and I heard her words clearly. Her frustration, her exhaustion, were on display. What she said doesn't really matter, it's the fact that she said it unguarded, without pretense, just ugly and real. Oh so real.

I was raised to keep your ugly to yourself. Pretend everything is fine until it is fine. I am not condoning what that mother said, but I am not judging her either. I have no idea how hard her day had been up till then. I don't know what she was or is struggling with. I don't know her, therefore I will not judge her.

I hope she realized later how harsh her words were. I hope she took the opportunity to show her child how important it is for adults to apologize as well as children. I hope that it was not her finest moment as a mom, but I refuse to judge her.

It's not my place.

My largest short coming as a mom is that I yell. I hate it. I am ashamed of it. It is something I work on over and over. Yet I fail over and over. I don't know why I struggle with it so much.

I have never screamed at my children in public. I have been short with them or firm, but never has anyone heard me let loose the roar that hurts my throat that I have done in private.

If I can keep my calm in public, there is no reason I cannot do the same in our home.

This is a shameful thing for me. I hope you don't judge me for it. I hope that by putting it out there, you see that I am imperfect, but that doesn't mean I am a bad mom.

It doesn't mean you are either.

If you have tried to fix your flaw repeatedly, if you have read all the books, listened to all the podcasts, talked to a therapist, and still your ugly keeps coming back, you are human.

You are trying and that is a good, beautiful thing. I don't want to hide my ugly and let another hurting mama see me and think I have it all together.

I write, not because I am perfect and full of wisdom, but because I am working to be better. There is so much better that I can be, that I can do, and I will continue to uplift myself to get there. I will not shame myself into thinking that because I messed up again, that trying is futile. It's not.

I was raised by wonderful, kind women in my life. My Mom, Aunts, Grandmothers, all of them were/are beautiful examples of how to be a good mother and even with all of that support, I still make a giant mess of motherhood.

How could I possibly judge any other woman, especially one who may never have had a decent role model. I had great role models and I still struggle immensely.

We are stronger when we encourage one another to be our best selves. We are stronger yet when we allow each other to bare our ugly and have the grace to say, 'me too'.

I will continue to see moments like the other day and say a prayer for that mom, not because I think I am better, but because I want to support her. I believe that the answer is in loving one another and walking alongside each other.

Todays failure does not define me and it does not define you. Standing back up and trying again is what defines you.

With love,
Me
faithful with the little: Seeing homemaking as a labor of love instead of drudgery- With FREE PRINTABLE!

P.S. 
You are Enough 
When Ugly bubbles over
Simple ideas for Home

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Crate and a Challenge

One of my favorite blogs is having a Pintrest Challenge. They do it a couple times a year and its just a fun time to challenge everyone to complete a project they've pinned on Pintrest. I've been wanting to get in on the action, but never found the time. Oh yeah and a little thing called, I don't do Pintrest. It's not because I'm not interested or I don't think I'll like it. I'm terrified of it! I already spend too much time perusing my favorite house app and a bunch of blogs I follow, and Facebook. If I added something as captivating as Pintrest, my house and kids may just go completely uncared for. So in the spirit of playing along with the Pintrest challenge I thought I'd share our headboard that I made a couple years back, loooong before I started blogging. It is by far one of the projects I am most proud of! Almost three years ago, the hubs and I got a new bed, a giant sized, California King! It came with a frame, but no headboard. We had alrea…

Summer Lessons

Making our house feel like home in the summer feels more chaotic to me than the slower months.

November through March, when its dark early and bedtimes come swiftly, meals are slow cooked all day long, and warm light comes from houses in the evening hours, just naturally lends itself to an aesthetic of quiet and calm.

At least for me.

Summer lends itself to late nights out, days where we are only home long enough to drop piles by the door, eat and leave a mess on the table, dirty more clothes than a small country in a matter of days, and the chaos of home just seems unsettled and rushed.

I am going in circles most days, feeling like I am not accomplishing anything and yet spinning and spinning and trying to not tip over. 
And yet...
And yet, a couple times a month someone asks me “How do you do it all?” 
I feel like I am that analogy of a duck on the pond, I look calm on the surface, but underneath my feet are kicking like crazy. And really that is just on a good day, most days I feel…

Changes

I was cleaning today, which gave me time to think, and thinking always leads me here.

The house is 'weekend messy', so decided to clean my floors, because The Nester says if your floors are clean the rest of the house feels clean too, even if it isn’t. 
I have found that it is pretty good advice, so when everything else feels chaotic, I clean the floors. Of course for me, cleaning the floors also means picking up the toys, shoes, clothes, etc. so that I can even begin to vacuum, which naturally leads to a cleaner home as well. 
While cleaning up I began to think about how this blog has evolved over the years, from a desire to write like The Nester about home, into what it is now. 
I started writing this blog when I was dreaming of building a new home. Then plans changed, life took turns, and we ended up in a home so different than I expected and so perfect for our family.

Somewhere along the way I realized that home wasn’t in the walls that went up or in the countertop choices…